just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
