ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How's work?
Spinning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
