Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
