she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is Oprah even human
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
