Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
