Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
