Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize