I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
