Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
