Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
