Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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