If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
