i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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