when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
