I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize