It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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