Small penises have feelings too.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
