I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
