Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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