I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
