the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
