I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
