These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
