Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
