He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
