There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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