xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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