it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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