I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
