I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize