if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
