Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
