onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
