What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
