I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
