eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have post one night stand depression
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