I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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