You're my little dorito
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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