she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize