It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
