Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
