If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The beer is more important than you right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
