So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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