I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize