Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
