Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
