i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
