I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Of course I have a pirate flag
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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