You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
