All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
