Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
