New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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