did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
