She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
