i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
