Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I lost the right to judge tonight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Panties = found
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
