I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
