You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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