obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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