Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
