I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
