Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
