i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
