so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
