I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
