shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
