so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
