It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
