my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize