the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
