On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
