Your dad touched me again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
